I want to walk out of my past

Yes, I want to. BADLY. But I don't have the ability to.

I did something ungodly today. Something I would classified as falling back into my past life. A life that is not right in the eyes of God because thats not what I am created for. But I couldn't help it. Best part, I dont feel guilty at all. Instead I thank God I had the courage to face it and admit it. Becos I think the worst thing one can ever do is to lie to yourself.

Theres no point hiding from it and say to myself: "Lizhen, you are a Christian, you cannot be like that. It is ungodly." I tell u, this thinking is totally crap. No one in this world can ever be godly. The only person I know of that ever lived is Jesus. Thats why, we need God.

I know my sins are forever forgiven and what I have done today, God will remember no more. I also know at this point of time, it is easy for me to fall back into my past life so I curse all the emotions, feelings and desires in Jesus's name. They shall not come any where near me. Amen!

I will curse them every day until I feel them no more.

Yes, I am determine.

Judging from how heartbroken I am now, I know the cursing days are going to be long.

anti-social me

Anti-social me.. yes... this is another entry on work. I just need to express how I feel.

Today is another unfateful day. Work have been quite eventful lately, even my colleagues are feeling the heat. I'm getting a little tired with dealing with all the LAST MINUTE challenges (bombs) that is landing on me. Yes, another 2 today.

Dear Lord, I know that whatever challenges I face now is already deal with by Jesus on the cross. Becos He is in me, His strength will help me overcome all the obstacles ahead. I pray in Jesus almighty name that tomorrow will be a good day. The sick shall heal by tonight and the tired ones (me) will be re-charged. AMEN!

I was upset with my teenage brother today. One word. RUDE. I am not angry with him, but his actions are totally wrong. Best part, he always think that there is nothing wrong with his attitude. Suddenly, I wondered if I was like this during my teenage years. Anyway, totally disappointed. The guys ego and pride is setting in for him. Always too cool to admit he is wrong.

But you know what when you admit your mistake, not only you are cool, you earn people's respect and trust too. Now that's cool.

my journey to becoming a praying coach

Its been a hectic week. I am burned out and tired. But it is all worthwhile. Thank you Daddy God that all my coaching session this week went well.

Early last month, I had a conversation with Zoey regarding work. She suggested that I can pray before every coaching session. I thought it was a good idea so I decided to give it a go. I noticed the difference almost immediately. Not that my coaching style changed or the children are more well behaved. By God's grace, my prospective that changed. The way I looked at the children changed. suddenly, I was able to see the children needs and their different learning ability above all else. As a result I was able to conduct the appropriate activities to engage them and keep them excited. It is one of the most incredible feeling ever. Thank you Lord.

I've been coaching close to 3 years now. This week, everyday, I feel so anointed. It is really awesome. It really keeps me going knowing that God is with me all the time. Every time I pray and ask Him to bless the session and keep the children safe while they are having fun, it is already happening. On top of all these, I find favor with the children and was able to influence them to play better.Praise the Lord! all glory to Him!

Not only did my children enjoy the session, I too find it a joy delivering the session. It also keep the passion fire in my heart burning. I love the feeling.

Blessings

Have you ever felt like you don't deserve what you have in life now? Have you ever wondered what you have done to deserve all that you have now? Have you ever wondered why do good things happen to you even when you do bad things at times?

I feel this way sometimes and whenever I do, I whisper to Daddy God: "Abba, thank you for your grace. I am blessed because of You love me." I am beginning to understand that it is not what I have that allowed me to receive His grace or His blessings. Rather, it is in the giver's joy that I am able to receive so abundantly. Thank God it is by His love I am blessed and not by the good I do. If that is the case, my life will be miserable.

Faith is having a good opinion of God. Faith is believing that Jesus have come to give us life and life more abundantly. This is my faith, this is what I believe in.

I am still struggling with some major decision making which will affect my life for at least the next 5 years. I have not come to a point where I can find the peace I long for in me. Or maybe I already have the decision in me but I am just waiting for the right timing to present itself.

Praying for myself and of course, all my loved ones.

P.S Lord, bless me with a good memory. Help me remember occasions and where I put my stuffs. It sucks to be left out of an occasion and the lamest of all is "I forgot". Slap me.

I will go wherever You want me to

One day, I will go wherever You leads me. I will leave everything behind. I will not take anything with me. I will just go without any worries or any tied commitment.

Such a day will come and I am just waiting for everything to fall in place.

Maybe soon. 2011 perhaps or sooner.

Who is that joker?

see the red arrow?
There's this joker who is not keeping with the pacers.
And that joker is me.
And all these while I thought I was keeping up with the pacer...
Until I saw the still shots from JP's fb.

I feel... so lousy now!

Oh... why I am so dumb?
Whats done is done.
Let it go you silly goose!
Look ahead and embrace the future!
GRACE GRACE!
Haha. Jia you Lizhen!

God's gift to all mankind

Sometime ago, I read somewhere that life is God's test for us. For God so love us, He give us different gifts. That makes everybody different, special and unique. If you are reading this and think you are not achieving much in life, think again. Is there anything you can do so well, others can't? My friend, that is your gift from God. Use it well.

One of the greatest gift God give to all mankind is the ability to have our own thoughts. Personally, I believe this is also one of God's test for us. He wants to see how we use this gift. To think of the good of others or the bad... To choose to love or hate... To believe & trust or to deny & reject... and so much more.

I have been feeling very guilty about last Sunday. I was suppose to go for dragon boat training but I didn't as I was afraid I will fall sick after being in the rain. On Tuesday, I received an email from a teammate addressing the issue of training in wet weather. It is said that training will continue whether rain or shine. I felt ashamed of myself for being weak. I failed God's test for me. I didn't trust Him enough.

The very same day, at night, I was on facebook and I saw a negative comment by my player regarding their game the next day. Honestly, I felt disappointed. I always consider myself as a very positive coach and I expect my players to be so too. Yet, I fail to educate my players. Then it suddenly stucked me that I wasn't all very positive afterall since I decided not to attend dragon boat training due to wet weather. At that instant, I know I am my greatest setback.

Now, I am determine to pass God's test for me. I believe I can do all things in Christ who give me strength. No matter what happened, good or bad, I will accept it for I know it is not my will but His to be done.

run your own race

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us

Hebrews 12:1

Each and everyone of us has got our own race to run, to be successful. It is therefore important that we focus on our own race and be the best you can possibly be.

Never engage in any kind of unhealthy competition with others. Never allow yourself to be discouraged when it seems as though those around you are making progress than you. The fact that someone else is succeeding does not mean you are failing. Success is relative and it is measured at different stages.

What you are aiming for may not be the same as what another person is aiming for. Run your own race and be the best of you, bearing in mind that you are only permitted to compete with yourself and outdo your past.

Lord, lead me.

I was at church today & I heard stories about the children's ministry again. Something in me twitched again. I had the same feeling before when I first heard of the children's ministry earlier this month.

After service, I went to the counter and applied to serve at the children's ministry. On the application form, they asked: "Why do you want to serve in this ministry?" I answered: "This feeling (to serve in the ministry) came to me so strongly that I know I have to do something about it.".

All I want to say now is... God, if this is what you want me to do, lead me. I am going to leave everything in your hands Lord. I know you have a plan for me, if this is it, lead me. Lord, I know there's something about the children ministry but I don't know what it is. I will be patience and wait for the truth to unfold before my eyes for I know everything is in your good hands.

it is none of my business

I have learned that there is a reason why I meet the people I meet in my life. It's like God place me at the right place at the right time, I met the right people and end up doing the right thing and the best part is... I prosper.

At the same time, there are people that I meet, but somehow, things just didn't work out and sometimes, we just fall apart. I figured it is because it isn't what God wanted me to do. It is just me wanting to do it.

Now, after failing a few times, I've learned that when it comes to the people I find no peace with, sadly, it is nothing of my business. But when it comes to another group of people where I find peace with, I know I have to give my 100% and even more.

How do I know it? I asked God and God told me so. God told me to let it go of the right person, at the right place and at the right time. I obeyed.

Be true to yourself

Now, in my life, I don't really care about anything else other than the passion I hold dearly in my heart.

I am just taking things one step at a time.

Like what MR always say to me. "Hold true to what you think it's right, fight for it and goodness will come along. And understand that it is not going to be an easy journey"

She is right. My jouney have just begun. I pray that Jesus will show me the way and daddy God will guide me along. Time will tell.