Yes, I want to. BADLY. But I don't have the ability to.
I did something ungodly today. Something I would classified as falling back into my past life. A life that is not right in the eyes of God because thats not what I am created for. But I couldn't help it. Best part, I dont feel guilty at all. Instead I thank God I had the courage to face it and admit it. Becos I think the worst thing one can ever do is to lie to yourself.
Theres no point hiding from it and say to myself: "Lizhen, you are a Christian, you cannot be like that. It is ungodly." I tell u, this thinking is totally crap. No one in this world can ever be godly. The only person I know of that ever lived is Jesus. Thats why, we need God.
I know my sins are forever forgiven and what I have done today, God will remember no more. I also know at this point of time, it is easy for me to fall back into my past life so I curse all the emotions, feelings and desires in Jesus's name. They shall not come any where near me. Amen!
I will curse them every day until I feel them no more.
Yes, I am determine.
Judging from how heartbroken I am now, I know the cursing days are going to be long.
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